trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
