There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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