So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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