I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
