Your face is a jimmy john
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
