If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
