last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
