I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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