Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I deserve this hangover.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
