You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
