You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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