just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
