At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
