i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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