I could make wine with my vomit
Sober January is a disaster.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
