sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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