i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
