I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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