The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize