I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
