she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
