how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
