So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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