I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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