how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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