whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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