This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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