I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
