I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
