is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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