how can u be prego again
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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