They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i believe in u and ur pee
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