I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
