hotel room ftw
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
