i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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