Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
