Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
