Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
