the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize