This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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