i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
