after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
