I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
