I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
