I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
