Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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