I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
