Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
