i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
