I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
