is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
