i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
