its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
