The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize