We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
