remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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