can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
