Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
