Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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