This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
