You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I look better un-naked...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
