im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
