before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
