he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize