Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
