And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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