There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
