so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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