arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
