woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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