I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
