Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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