Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
