My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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