Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
