"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
