I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
