I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
