STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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