when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
