He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
