Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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