I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize