he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
