Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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