I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
