You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
someone owes me an orgasm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
