There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
