happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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