i was born a porn star she said
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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