john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
