what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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