Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize