Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
