Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
