This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
