he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
