Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize