porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
