I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
