I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
