you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
