I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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