how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just high enough for therapy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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