peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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