You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
