On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
