He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
