lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You ruined the universe
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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